


No One Decides Whose Gay

by BiTillIDi



Category: South Park
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, POV Third Person, based off the episode tweek x craig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:25:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiTillIDi/pseuds/BiTillIDi
Summary: Based on the episode Tweek x Craig. The boys have to figure out what to do when the whole school thinks they are a couple.Part 1 of 2





	No One Decides Whose Gay

**Author's Note:**

> The episode Tweek x Craig was on TV the other night and it inspired this fic.

It was a day like any other as Craig made his way to school, he was half way there when the shouts of Clyde echoed from behind him. “Craig! What the fuck dude!” He said running to catch up. Craig turned his head and slowed down. “You didn’t tell me you were gay.” Clyde said finally reaching him.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Craig asked confused, he must have heard him wrong.

“Its okay, you’re like my best friend you know you could have told me.” Clyde said casually.

“Alright, I’ll ask you again. What the fuck are you talking about?” Craig asked more confused then before in his monotone voice.

“I heard you started dating Tweek, and I can’t believe I had to hear it from Jimmy instead of you.” Clyde said.

“Dude, Jimmy was probably just fucking with you.” Craig replied without much more thought about it, Clyde most likely just took one of Jimmy’s jokes the wrong way.

“Like everyone’s talking about it.” Clyde said which made Craig’s stomach turn. They had almost made it to the school now and Craig could feel passing eyes on him. He was heading to his locker when Stan and Kyle walked by stopping directly in their path.

“Hey Craig, its cool that your gay and all, we don’t care.” Stan said with a shrug before they walked away leaving Craig speechless. He was glad he had such understanding friends, but he wasn’t gay.

“Who the fuck started this? I gotta go find Tweek before class starts.” Craig said to Clyde before changing his direction towards Tweek’s locker. All he heard was whispers the entire way there and every face he passed he wondered who it was that started this rumor. Craig was very thankful that he didn’t walk to the other side of the school for no reason when he spotted Tweek near his locker struggling to fit books in his backpack.

“Tweek, what the hell is going on? Did you tell people we started dating or something?” Craig asked grabbing one of his books that fell on the floor. He noticed as people slowed their pace as they passed, some even awing and stopping to watch. Craig rolled his eyes trying to ignore them.

“Gah! No! Why would I do that?! Everyone keeps staring at me! And I can hear them whispering behind my back.” Tweek said pulling at his hair before taking the book from Craig. 

“Just ignore it, I’m sure it will go away. I gotta go to class.” Craig said hoping that was true.

He still felt the eyes and heard the whispering as he slowly began to quicken his pace to class. He finally got to his usual chair and slung his backpack onto the desk.

“Hey Cra-Craig, can I borrow a moment of you and Tweek’s time to sit down for a relationship column I’m doing for the school p-pa-paper?” Jimmy asked sitting next to him.

“No, because I’m not gay and were not in a relationship.” Craig said putting emphasis on the not “Who did you hear that from anyway?” He asked.

“Apparently the Asian girls decide who’s gay or something, I dunno.” Jimmy replied.

“The Asian girls?” Craig asked, “No one decides whose gay Jimmy, either you are, or you aren’t.”

“Well oh boy Craig, you seem to know a whole lot about being gay for someone that claims he is-is-isn’t.”

Craig put his face in his hands wanting to scream.

The lunch bell rang, and Craig was dreading every eye in the cafeteria that would most definitely be on him and Tweek. He sighed kicking open the lunch room doors and made his way to the row of food. He tried his best to make zero eye contact with anyone who looked his way and he felt some relief when Clyde joined him in the lunch line.

“Dude, check out what I found in the hallway.” Clyde said discreetly handing Craig a picture. 

It was a drawing of him and Tweek holding hands. “Fuck sakes.” He said crumpling it up and throwing it in the trash. “This better blow over soon.” He said dragging his tray down the line, at least it was pizza day, he thought. “How am I ever gonna get any chicks, man? Everyone thinks I’m gay now.”

“Relax, it won’t be long before something new comes along and everyone will put this whole thing behind them.” Clyde reassured Craig following him to a table. 

Craig was almost done his pizza when he spotted Token and Tweek walking over to their table. “Oh god.” Craig whispered to himself. “Tweek, are you crazy we can’t eat lunch together.” Craig said as Tweek sat across the table from him, he could already feel more and more heads snapping towards them. 

“Agh! What? Why?” Tweek said inspecting his pizza.

“How are people ever supposed to forget this whole thing if they keep seeing us together?” Craig said.

“But your still my friend,”

“I just don’t think we should be seen together right now.” Craig said finishing the last of his pizza as Token and Clyde acted like they weren’t completely listening to their conversation.

“Fine then, let me know when you feel like its acceptable to be my friend again.” Tweek said leaving his lunch but grabbing his thermos that was always filled with coffee.

“That was rough man.” Token spoke up.

“Yeah… You were kind of a dick, dude.” Clyde added.

Craig grunted and left too not even bothered by the stares anymore.

It was during 4th period when Craig got called to the principle’s office, he tried to think of every bad thing he had done at school in the past week and he was sure Mr. Garrison hadn’t seen when he flipped him off the other day for calling on him in class. 

When he reached the office doors his whole body stiffened, he spotted Tweek in one chair while the other beside him was empty. PC Principle sat at his desk with crossed arms. “God fucking dammit.” Craig whispered under his breath.

“Hi Craig, could you come in for a minute? Just plop a seat right there, I gotta talk to you boys.”

Craig made his way to the chair and sat down trying not to meet Tweek’s eyes while preparing himself for whatever was about to happen. 

“Alright boys, so it has come to my attention we have encountered our first gay relationship at this school. Now I know what your thinking, what does this straight man know about gay relationships? Well don’t you worry about that, I’m PC bro. I just need to discuss with you the importance of safe sex. Now I know what your thinking, its gay sex we don’t need condoms we can’t get pregnant. But you can still get diseases and that is not cool bro, but wearing condoms now that’s cool bro.”

Craig and Tweek looked awkwardly at each other, Craig could see how bad Tweek’s twitches were getting and he just wanted this over this. 

“Now say it with me, condoms are cool bro.”

They met each others eyes again and sighed “Condoms are cool, bro.” They mumbled together.

“I just don’t think that was enough enthusiasm. I need you guys to understand how serious this is, okay? Because its serious.”

“Condoms are cool, bro.” They said again.

“Okay great, that’s great. Now let’s discuss consent.” Craig leaned his head back slightly and rolled his eyes. “Hey! I seen that! I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this Craig, you take this seriously or that’s detention for you young man.” He pointed angerly at Craig who sat with a blank face.

“Alright, now moving on. Consent, if you Tweek wish to fondle Craig’s nipples you would say, may I please touch your nipples.” Craig wished he could disappear right now, even sitting in class was better then this. 

Tweek couldn’t sit still as he began to fidget with the buttons on his shirt. “Um may I- gah! Please touch your nipples.”

“Now Craig would say yes, you may touch my nipples or, no you may not touch my nipples at this time.”

“No, you may not touch my fucking nipples.” Craig replied.

“Craig! I’ve warned you, that’s detention for you!” 

“Fine, can I go now?” 

“You get back to class but I wanna see you back here at the end of the day.” PC Principle said angrily as Craig and Tweek exited his office feeling grateful that it was finally over.

Craig went the opposite way of his class following Tweek down the hall. He felt bad about his words at lunch, Tweek was dealing with the exact same thing he was so he had no right to be such an ass. “I’m sorry about what happened at lunch,” 

“Everyone’s really freaking me out,” Tweek said grabbing at his hair. “What are we gonna do?”

“The only thing we can do, go along with it.” Craig said a tad worried of his reaction.

“Agh! That’s too much man! I can’t act.” Tweek said. 

“Tweek, relax.” Craig said grabbing his shoulder to stop his walking which made him jump. “You’ll only have to till Monday, we can stage a break up at lunch and then everyone will shut up about us.” Craig watched the blonde as he shifted his backpack thinking it over.

“Don’t you want everything to return to normal?” Craig added.

Tweek looked over his face and nodded.

“Then trust me and meet me at your locker after school.” Craig said.

“I thought you had detention.” 

Craig started walking the other way back towards his class “I’ll see you after school.”

Class felt like it lasted forever, when the bell finally rang at 3:30 Craig was the first one out the door. The halls had mostly cleared by the time he got to the other side of the school where Tweek’s locker was.

“Why did you want to meet?” Tweek said closing his locker. 

“We need to plan this well, make it believable.” Craig said.

“I’m out of coffee, wanna come to my place?” Tweek asked as they walked together down the hall.  
__________

Tweek pulled a key out of his backpack and unlocked the door.

“Oh, hi sweetie,” Mrs. Tweak said coming down the stairs “Oh look you brought your boyfriend home to meet the family, how sweet! Honey! Craig’s here!” She called into the kitchen. 

“Craig’s here?” Mr. Tweak called back entering the living room.

The boys exchanged a look wondering how the hell they had heard about this whole thing.

“Would you boys like some coffee?” Mr. Tweak asked with a kettle in hand.

“Um, no thanks.” Craig said.

“Tweek?” 

“Yes please.” Tweek said following his parents into the kitchen as Craig disappeared upstairs to Tweek’s room, he wasn’t one for conversations with adults. 

Craig saw the Rubik’s cube on Tweek’s desk that Craig had bought him for his birthday earlier this year, he heard it helped with fidgeting and knew it was the perfect gift for him. That was the last time he could remember coming over, Tweek’s parents threw him a surprise party and he freaked out and hid in the bathroom. Craig sat down at Tweek’s computer chair messing around with the confusing puzzle, he never was good at the thing.

Tweek came in with a cup of coffee in hands. “So, what’s the plan?” He asked sitting on the bed.

“Well… I was thinking we say how this isn’t working anymore and were not right for each other, yaknow nothing that would make either of us look bad.” Craig said putting the square puzzle back on Tweek’s desk.

“That’s too much pressure Craig, I can’t do this in front of the entire lunch room.”

Craig got up and joined Tweek on the bed “I know you can.”

“What if I mess up? What if I say the wrong thing or-or-” Tweek said squeezing his cup so hard his knuckles turned white. 

Craig reached for the mug in Tweek’s hands and slowly took it away placing it on the bedside table.

“Tweek, I believe in you. We just need to practice, you can do this.” Craig said giving Tweek a small smile when he began to nod.

“Okay, yeah, I-I can do this.”

The boys spent a few hours rehearsing their plan over and over again, they had to make this as believable as possible if it was all going to stop. It was getting late and Craig had to go home for dinner, but they agreed to meet again tomorrow afternoon to rehearse their plan some more.


End file.
